— I like to be told that I am active and energetic. Recently, I received an evaluation from my boss, where he describes me as passive and lacking initiative. This caused me to experience an aggressive outburst and suffering. I could not accept it. I identify myself with an active, self-assured man, and when someone tells me that I am not, that I am something opposite, I immediately start to fight him. How can I accept this part?
— Yes. The example you have brought up is very good. I want to thank you for it. You have said that you identify yourself with the positive, active, successful, and full of initiative side. When someone tells you that you are opposite to it—passive, not successful, and not initiative, you get upset and take an offense. Is that the case?
— Yes, I get very upset!
— Of course, you get very upset. You consider yourself to be something, and you are told you are something totally opposite. What does this situation tell us? It tells us about the fight that goes on inside you. It seems to you that you are active, successful, and full of initiative. This is one-sided perception. You don’t know the inner duality that is present in you, and you don’t want to accept your opposite side. Am I correct?
— Now, how did you come up with the judgement that you are active, successful, and full of initiative? How did your mind come up with this judgement? What does it lean on when it creates such a judgement?
— It leans on the external world, on people who give me these characteristics.
— Let me put it differently, “How do these people come up with these characteristics?” For you to understand what it means to be an aim driven man, you need to know what it means to live without an aim. For you to understand what it means to be successful, you need to know what it means to be a failure. For you to understand what activity is, you need to know passivity. You can determine your position on a scale. Presently, we are dealing with three scales: “success—failure”, “active—passive”, “hard working—slacker”. Next, you mark up one side of the scale, and you say, “I am here”. But take a closer look, we are dealing with one scale. Positive and negative qualities are just the extreme sides of one scale. However, you set up a mark, and you say, “I am very close to being a success”. And you reject the rest of the scale. You reject it inside yourself.
I must maintain our conversation in a certain format. I think the format question—answer is very primitive. I am not interested in it. I conduct constant self-investigation. Every conversation we have will turn into investigation. Presently, we investigate how you perceive yourself. And what do we see? We see that you are stuck in one sided perception. You want to be positive and only positive. When you are told that you have negative qualities, you vehemently deny it. In that case, you cannot accept yourself Holistically. This is very important to understand. I am not saying that something is wrong with you. I am just showing you how things are now. Perhaps, you need to continue to accumulate the experience of conflict to reach a higher level of self-esteem or another one-sided quality. Are you ready to see yourself as a whole? I don’t know. You can only answer this question yourself. But if you are ready, you will use the information your boss and other people are sharing with you. Their words are directing you to see your opposite side. You will be grateful for the help they offer you to see your own, invisible to you, side. You need to accept your opposite side. Both sides are equally important.
Look, if we feel bad today, we will feel better tomorrow. If we were sick and suddenly started to get better, we say, “I felt bad yesterday. I feel better now.” Your tooth was hurting you. You went to see a dentist. Your tooth is not bothering you, and you feel better—you feel as good now as you felt bad before. We feel as good as we felt bad before. For you to feel better, you need to feel bad. This is the principle of life here: the worst you are, the better you will be. But this is a mechanical way of life. A human being receives his pluses and minuses, his pleasures and sufferings whether he is on vacation or in jail. Moreover, as paradoxical as it may sound, he receives them in equal quantities. Why? It happens because we are dealing with a mechanism. While in jail, a man is told, “You are going to be hanged tomorrow.” Tomorrow comes and he is told: “No, we are not going to hang you.” He feels great. Checking out of a tropical island hotel, a man is told, “You have not settled your bill in full. You owe us three thousand dollars.” Ten minutes later, the concierge tells him, “I am sorry. I have made a mistake. Your account has been paid in full”. A man is happy. All these disappointments and excitements are mechanical. People do not understand this mechanism. I offer you to see the mechanism and to control it. You can say, “I don’t want to control it. This is fate. I cannot control it”. This is another approach to life. There are many ways to perceive life. The perception I share with you differs from the perception of “sleeping” people. Are you ready to move to a higher level of perception?