— Let’s figure out why you want to have a drink. What does a drink give you? You want to have a drink not just to lower the quantity of alcohol on the planet. You receive a certain state as the result of this action. So, what state do you get into when you have a drink?
— I reduce my anxiety.
— So, you don’t want to have a drink. You want to get rid of fear and to be calm. Alcohol is a substance known to you which currently provides you with this result. Let’s say you had your drink, and you have received the desired result. How long does it last?
— The duration of its action is very short. The opposite state appears very fast, and it gets stronger.
— You remove something, but it gets stronger later on. You receive the opposite effect. Then you start to look for other methods to receive and maintain the desired state. But what if you were to start to see both of these states simultaneously. If you have a drink and feel good as a result, no one will ever be able to force you to refuse this drink. But what if you have a drink, feel good, and then, for the same reason, start to feel bad?
We just came to understand that a human being drinks to get rid of a heavy state in which he happens to be. This method is used subconsciously. If you have an aim, you can use many ways to achieve it. Why do people drink so much, especially in Russia? There are not as many psychotherapists here as in the US. Psychotherapy here is a glass of vodka. A human being tries to get rid of the limitations he got entangled in by using a commonly known method. Perhaps you use a different method?
— Drinking is starting to be a problem for me.
— This is a swinging see-saw. You swing up and down. You may swing it to such an extent that your see-saw will break. A human being gets used to the state of swinging: I feel bad now, but I want to feel good. The worse he feels, the more he wants to improve his state, i.e. to have a drink. He gets a drink, gets his so-called “good” state, and then he starts to feel bad again. He wants to have another drink to feel good. Every single dependency is built upon this scheme.
— It looks like pleasure is not in pleasure.
— You stop feeling pleasure after a while. Pleasure turns into something questionable, but what comes as the opposite to it is very real. The habit, however, is so strong that you cannot get rid of it now. If a human being were to objectively observe what happens to him, he would search for something else. But most people hold on to this scheme until the see-saw breaks.
For example, you like a woman. After a while, you look for another woman, and then another woman. This situation escalates. What do you get at the end?
— I look for a variety of experiences and I find them. Different situations play themselves out, and I experience pleasure. The sensation of novelty eventually fades, and then it becomes habitual. I lose interest, submerge myself in a state of dissatisfaction, and remain in it until another opportunity comes along.
— Take a look. This is another see-saw. What is your original desire? Why were you looking for a woman? You wanted to love her. You wanted to experience love, but instead you got into a circle of recurrent situations where you don’t experience love. You experienced a certain pleasure that slowly diminishes with each new woman. What’s habitual here is your search for love.
We have just investigated two tendencies. First, you want to get rid of fear. Second, you want to find love. These two tendencies are primary in all our aspirations, but few people see it that way. People consider a man who flips women frequently to be a womanizer and condemn him for such behavior. The mechanism of condemnation, punishment, and guilt gets turned on.
We are searching for Eternity, Absolute Love, and Truth, but instead get trapped in a duality and get locked up in these dualities like birds in a cage. A partial solution to the problem is not the solution. You search for love, but you only find fragments. You try to get rid of fear, but you cannot do it.
— I search for it outside.
— You search outside for something that is hidden inside you, i.e. you do not search where you have lost that something. If a man were to observe what happens to him, he would see that he does not get what he wants. He would see that he applies the same efforts all the time that lead to the same results. Perhaps then he will view what he creates as something that he wants to create. But if he does not see it, he will continue to do the same thing again and again.
A human being encounters a certain recurrent situation; he cannot bypass it. He searches for a solution in the external world, but the common-sense methods he uses do not work. They lead to the opposite of what he wants. He wants to get rid of fear, but he continues to experience fear. He wants to receive love, but he receives hate.
If you don’t dig deep and come to understand what’s going on, you will continue to do what you are in the habit of doing.
It seems to you that you know the answer. You experience fear. It means you must have a drink. You want to have love—you need to search for a woman. But in both cases, you receive the opposite of what you were looking for. You received what you wanted, but it offers only temporary relief. After a while, you accept that this happens to everyone here, and you give up.
— I live in this stereotype. I consider it to be normal because that’s how everyone here lives.
— Yes. But in this case, you don’t realize your main desire for Unconditional Love. This desire will never leave you, because your Soul knows what it is. But your personality always falls into traps. It tries to fight those traps, but it gets even more entangled. You forgot who you are. You got stuck in the dualities of your personal program.
Can we attain Unconditional Love here? Some people lose faith in it and satisfy themselves with a surrogate, i.e. sex.
— You wrote somewhere that sex is a spiritual bridge between a man and a woman.
— Yes, one has to believe in this. If you lose faith in Unconditional love, you will not get it. “You shall receive according to your faith”. If you want to have the maximum, you will get it. If you want minimum, you will be satisfied by it. Look at how many questions people ask about sex. Actually, our entire communication can be seen as sex. Everyone and everything enters a sexual relationship with everyone and everything here, but it is one thing to have a one-night stand, and a completely different thing to communicate at the level of heart, mind, and soul. You received the physiological orgasm, but did your heart get turned on during it? Did your soul open? That’s the question.
You experience dissatisfaction that pushes you to search for a man or a woman, but your search ends with your falling into a trap of another fragmented relationship; mutual claims, grudges, and feeling of guilt follow.
What kind of claims can there be if two people are happy and love each other? What else can they ask from each other? If you feel another human being as yourself, you will offer him everything you have. You will not accuse him or her of not providing you with something. So, why can’t we achieve such a version of ourselves?
— We live with the notion of limited energy resources.
— What do you spend your energy on? You spend it on mutual blame. You spend it suppressing and not to allow multiple fears of your sub-consciousness to rise to consciousness. Your fears are your parts, and they require manifestation. But you don’t want to see them, you block them. Envision a house that has thousands of doors. You run around trying keep these doors from opening, to prevent your prisoners from getting out. All your energy is spent blocking these doors and keeping these prisoners inside. But what if you were to allow yourself to be who you are?
— If I were to do that, no one would understand …
— We have already figured out that no one understands anyone here anyway, because the moral created here prevents us from understanding ourselves. As long as you are afraid of other people seeing you as bad, you will eternally run away from yourself.
— Is there a way out of this mess?
— Yes, there is a way out. The way out is to open all the doors and to allow yourself to say that you are who you are. We are both positive and negative at the same time. In reality, we are everything. Someone who is afraid to be called a prostitute is already a prostitute.
People are afraid of words, but they don’t try to figure out what these words mean. What is prostitution? It is selling one’s body for money. What do people do in their so-called families? They do exactly that. They sell their bodies for security and money. I don’t see any difference. Who wants to see the difference? Everyone here is scared, and everyone is pre-occupied with word manipulations. Let’s be sincere and see that every one of us has everything in him. Then, we are not going to be afraid to show ourselves to others.