THOSE WHO ARE NOT SLEEPING IN A DREAM – IRRITATION

— I got up this morning and found myself being full of irritation. I was unhappy with everything around me. I allowed myself to experience this state of irritation by observing and verbalizing it. My older daughter came along, and I told her about what I was experiencing. She patted my shoulder and gave me her permission, “Just experience it mom, just experience it…” I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I was boiling with irritation inside. I decided not to project it onto anyone around me. I just observed it. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in a different state. I spent many years of my life in a state of irritation. I lived in this state for months sometimes. Sharing an apartment with my mother in law I did not talk to her for six months once. What was I living in? I was living in this state of irritation. It became habitual for me. I got into it again today, but I decided not to run away from it and not to project it onto anyone around me. I started to speak it out loud. I used to hide it. I used to experience it silently. I did not know how to get out of it. Today I entered it, investigated it, and got out of it. It took me about five hours. I used to throw all of it outside. This mechanism would leave me totally physically and emotionally drained. For example, I knew I had to spend time with the kids, but being in that state I only had one thought in my head, “Don’t bug me!” Today I have experienced something completely different. My child was willing to share her own state with me without asking anything in return. I went to bed and had a nap. When I woke up, I was in a different state. I realized that I don’t need to push myself so hard. When you discover yourself in this state, you can simply observe, speak it through, and experience it. You don’t have to be stressed or anxious about it. I can observe my irritation only when I am outside of it. I have started to feel a solid ground. I see that I play this show. I can observe myself only when I am de-identified with my personage.

When you are identified with your personage, you experience everything mechanically, “Why is this so?! Why do they treat me this way?!” You get irritated by everything.

But this irritation is being used for something, right? It is not there for nothing!

“I am not irritated by my irritation anymore…”

Irritation is in me. It is just in me. I used to experience it without seeing it, but now I observe it. It can be projected onto everything around me. It is in me, and I can see it now. If I can see it, I can do something about it. Pint is right, “Seeing is action!” It works. It is true. I have experienced it myself. Thank you.

— Every state can be projected outside. When you are in the state of irritation, you project it outside. The mind wants to find the reason for dissatisfaction in the external world in order to explain the state it is in. But the reason for this state is not outside of you, it is inside. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to observe your states at any given time.

When I observe, my mind gets neutralized. For example, irritation gets projected onto someone around me. I immediately understand that I have caused this state myself. A certain part of me have created this state. I find this part, I see it, and I start to accept its creativity. This part cannot create anything else. That’s why we say that it is irritated. If it was different, we would have called it differently. Now I am familiar with a part of me that used to create through me for many years. It is called “Irritation”. I saw many things that it has created. This part is not bad. It is the way it is. That’s it.

I want to thank everyone who happened to be around me when I was irritated for accepting me the way I was without blame or condemnation. You allowed this state to manifest itself and your permission allowed me to become aware of it. I am grateful to you for accepting all my manifestations.   

— Some people live for years in the state of irritation. They can be irritated by their husbands, wives, bosses, employees, etc. A big part of their life is spent in this state. They don’t see it inside. They project it outside onto other people. Observe it and start to see that it is yours. You can do something about it only if you observe it. But you can only do it with yourself, not with your husbands, wives, children, bosses, or employees. You cannot change anyone else unless you change yourself first. Change yourself and the world around you will change.

I want to share a few more observations related to irritation. It turns out, I don’t have to accept the irritation of another human being. I did not know how to do that before. I am mastering this capability now. I saw how I used to allow people to use me using irritation. It was easy to manipulate me. I saw that if I don’t take the irritation of another human being, it returns to him. I observed how this particular human being tried to “hang” his irritation onto somebody else. He was very uncomfortable doing that. I saw all of this very clearly as if in the movie theater.

— The state of separation leads to dilemma: either the world is wrong and I am right, or the world is right and I am wrong.

When one allows himself to talk about it and to verbalize all of it out, it disappears as a soap bubble.

— Exactly. But if you are not aware of your state, you try to transfer it onto someone else.

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