TGL #35. Why do I push away the help other people offer me?

Why do you push away what you consider to be good? For example, why do you push away someone who tries to help you? It may seem to you that this help is not going to be unselfish, and for every dollar given to you, you will be asked to return two. Perhaps, that’s what is going to happen, but how do you know that that’s what is going to happen to you? And why does it always happen to you?

You know that only because you behave this way. Even if you don’t agree with this statement and don’t do this consciously—this is what it is. We always see a reflection of ourselves in the external people. The external people as mirrors show us what we don’t see in ourselves—the subconscious side of our personality.

Why do I push away the help other people offer me?

— I feel how I push away what people want to give me. I don’t feel gratitude toward people who want to help me or to give me something.

— Why don’t you feel gratitude toward people who want to help you? What exactly do you reject more? What kind of help do you reject most intensely?

— I reject material help. I reject money. I reject when someone tries to take care of me in every sphere of my life. In my case, people who give later on have a right to take away everything.

— There is an old saying, “The one who pays orders the music”. So, they buy you, and the way you are going to sound will depend on what they order. That’s what you are afraid of. You are not afraid of the money. You are afraid to be bought by them. By taking the money, you will have to perform a number of services that most likely have not been discussed during this financial transaction. You will have to guess what exactly they need. For example, someone pays money to a prostitute. A prostitute clearly states what services can and cannot be performed, and how much each service costs. Your situation is different. You are given money upfront for everything. Everything is included. You are bought in bulk for a certain sum of money.

— Yes. I am paid for listening time, for my attention, and for manifesting my positive, only positive side.

— Look, every conflict is a marker of a certain imbalance. We just figured out why it is so difficult for you to accept the money. It is difficult for you, because you see money as total enslavement. “I have paid you, and you have to perform.” Let’s use the main instrument of Holistic Psychology. The main instrument states that we always collide with ourselves. If something irritates you in someone, it means you don’t see it in yourself. As long as you don’t see it in yourself, you don’t know what to do with it.

This man gives you money and then insists you listen to everything he says. Then he starts to insist that you go everywhere with him. Then he insists you sleep with him. You don’t know what to do, and you say, “I don’t need your money. Leave me alone!” But you have to learn why these people behave this way. That you can do only through yourself, because they show you the side of you that you don’t want to see. If you don’t want to see it, you don’t know it. If you don’t know it, you can’t do anything about it.

Your situation is similar to the situation of a mechanic, who is being told by customer, “Fix this mechanism”. He replies, “I don’t understand what kind of a mechanism this is”. You can use this situation to investigate and to learn your shadow side. If you approach this situation from the School point of view, first of all, you have to admit, that people that want to buy you, reflect to you your own side. If you accept this, you will be able to move to the next step of the investigation. You can start investigating these people. They are very important to you, as they manifest externally what happens inside of you. You will be able to study yourself with the help of these people. This is the main principle we use to investigate ourselves. We do it through other people, through the external world. This is the main principle. At least during the first stage, that’s how it is. Do you like that?

— I like it a lot. It is very difficult to dive deep inside yourself on your own.

— But, you also have a part that does not like it. It will say, “Get lost, Pint. What are you telling me? I don’t like these people and you tell me that this is in me”. So, if you make an effort to accept these people, and to look at them as an opportunity to study yourself, we will be able to discuss this topic further later on. Currently you are at this stage. I have discussed what you need at this stage. If later on you choose to view them as a very important element to study yourself, you will move to the next level, and you will have other questions. Then we will be able to discuss it further, but for now I have told you everything you need at this stage.


Are there people in your surrounding milieu whose behavior you don’t like? What kind of behavior they demonstrate? Describe it. Apply the technology of becoming aware of yourself through other people that was just described. Accept as a fact that these people manifest to you the unseen by you, shadow side of you. Try to recall the situations when you behaved exactly the same way. Observe your behavior and the situations you intent to observe will not have you wait long.

Seeing yourself behaving in such a way, do not be fast to accuse yourself the way you accuse your external mirrors, other people now. Try to understand the motives of such a behavior. Why do you behave precisely this way? You will see there are quite serious reasons for it. Such a non-judgmental understanding of shadow sides of yourself is the investigation of your own personality offered by the School of Holistic Psychology.


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