I constantly observe what happens to me. I become aware of it. When I wake up in the morning, I become aware of my body, I scan it with my inner attention. I observe its every sensation. I feel and become aware of every part of my body. I become aware of the feelings present in it. I become aware of my thoughts. I try to be simultaneously aware of everything I think of, feel, sense, say, and do. This is what it means to be fully aware.
When you start to practice yourself, you will find that it might be easier for you to understand and to be aware of what’s going on in your body. For example, you might find it easy to observe how you walk or physically do something. You may find that it is difficult for you to observe your feelings. For example, you may find it difficult to become aware of the moment when you start to feel bad. You may find it difficult to observe how this feeling develops. Every state starts at a certain moment in time, similarly to a car accident. A disease also starts at a certain moment. If you become aware of it in the very beginning, it is easier to get rid of. If you miss the beginning phase, it is much more difficult to do so. The same can be said about any emotional state. You have caught a certain feeling, a feeling of fear for example. If you are not an aware human being, you don’t understand right away what is going on with you, because you don’t pay attention to it. You caught the feeling and sensation of fear and you proceed to carry it. You are not aware of it. You may feel this fear a few hours later; the feeling became so strong that you are aware of it now. But three hours have passed. The feeling of fear got amplified in you during that time. You only got to feel it when it became very strong. You could have felt it in the beginning. You could have felt it the moment it came to you. This is only possible in case you were aware at the time. You can pass multiple thoughts and feelings through you. You don’t need to hold on to them. You don’t need to accumulate them in you.
You may have heard and you may know what we discuss, but this is not enough. You need to do it all the time. You need to be aware of yourself in different situations. You need to do it all the time; in such case, you may see that, for example, during last two hours you were totally unaware of yourself. But you can only understand that if you constantly remember about your intention to observe and to be aware of yourself. You will see that you are truly happy only during the periods of your life when you are fully aware of yourself. During these moments you feel that there is nothing scary and horrible in the world, because you become aware of everything, and it disappears. You need to try different methods of self-observation. You need to constantly experiment with them. We are all different; what works for one of us may not work for another.
What is dependency? It is unawareness. If you really want to become aware of yourself, you will use every negative emotion for this purpose. As a result, you will become a more aware human being. When you start to observe and become aware of yourself, you will see many things that you did not accept in other people and as a result did not see it in yourself. When you reach this moment, you may start do dislike yourself. You may say, “No, this is not me.” If you do that, your growth will stop. Everything you experience with all your so called weaknesses is you, i.e. this is the very best you currently have on the road of your development. What would you do here if you were a fully accomplished, perfect human being? We are here to understand and to become aware of who we are and to change something in ourselves. But in order to change ourselves we need to understand where we are now, and what we represent at the current moment. Yes, you feel anger. When you see someone, you want to scream at him or hit him. Yes, this is who you are now. This is your best and this is beautiful. Every human being walks through so-called deficiencies in his wholeness. We all walk the road to wholeness; all these deficiencies are very important steps of our development. Those are the steps of the ladder we step on in order to climb higher; without them there would not be any development. Therefore, it is great that we have everything in us, if, of course, we become aware of it. Those are the steps we use to go further. In order to walk this way, we need to accept ourselves completely. What you have previously considered to be unacceptable in yourself, you will become aware of now and accept. Irrespective of what you feel at the moment, you will not get hysterical about it.
What does it mean to accept what you have here and now, and what is here and now? All your thoughts, emotions, and actions create your “here and now.” You need to see and to become aware of them. Some people cannot accept some of their desires. For example, you cannot accept your desire to smoke. Decide whether you want to continue to smoke or not and quit or continue to smoke, but don’t make a problem out of it. Some of you eat a lot. Stop doing it or continue to do it, but if you do it, do it with pleasure. Accept what you have. When you do that, something will change, and perhaps you will stop eating so much. Allow yourself to do what you have been forbidding yourself to do. It frequently leads to problem disappearance by itself.
Many things occur precisely because you don’t accept them. For example, a child is screaming and no one understands what he needs. You approach him, and he smiles and stops screaming. He just wanted someone to look at him. The same thing happens inside you. Someone screams there, “Look at me! Look at me!” but you say, “No”. You don’t accept yourself and your inner parts continue to scream. They do what they do because they try to bring your attention to themselves. They are inside you. You need to take a look and to become aware of them. The entire humanity is present inside every one of us. Every previous generation is inside us. Every one of us can enter the history of the entire humanity. And you very well know what it was. So, why do you get so upset when you see something that you call bad or horrible? This is our history. A killer kills because he is not aware; he does not understand what he is doing. If a human being kills another human being, he is crazy. Whether psychiatrists accept him as one or not is irrelevant—he is crazy. Will a human being who is aware of himself kill another human being? The one who is aware of himself understands that everything he did will return to him.
Once upon a time, a thief came to a teacher. He found out that this was a great teacher. The thief came to him and asked, “Do you know that I am a thief?” — «I know». — «I want to stop doing what I do, but I can’t. I decided to steal a very precious necklace from the shah’s palace tonight.” — «Do it, but be aware of everything you are doing. Be aware of everything when you start on your journey tonight. Be aware of your every feeling, thought tonight. Be aware of your every step.” The thief said, “I thought you will say something else, but I will try to do what you ask me to do.” Next morning he came to the teacher and said, “You are a sly old man. I was unable to steal. I am the best thief of Baghdad. I was unable to do that not because I did not know how to do that, but because when I started to observe what I was doing, I was unable to do that.”