— A man who is not aware of himself gets into the trap of opposite desires. He thinks he is afraid of something, but in reality he wants this something to happen. This is a paradox. He acts based on his desire, but receives something he considers to be undesirable. As a result, he experiences suffering.
Let’s take a look at your irritation. You will be irritated until you start to see what exactly irritates you. This has to be something tangible. For example, you are irritated by the fact that people do not yield to you, and a certain situation constantly repeats itself: someone does something that you don’t want him to do and you get irritated. Try to understand that it is you who wants to get irritated, and this “someone” has to play along and resist you.
So, you are living in the paradox: on one side, you want people to yield to you, but on the other side, you don’t want that to happen, because you want to relive the experience of irritation that you have experienced already. You constantly provoke other people, in order to experience irritation. When someone yields to you, you search for another player who will not yield to you. In the process, the appearances are taken for reality. The appearance is that you want to do something without anyone interfering with your plans. What is real is that you want to get irritated.
This is the world of illusions, where appearances are taken for reality. When you start to see the underlining, you start to see reality. In your case, it is your habit to be irritated.
You start to change when you start to see what you constantly recreate. If you don’t see it, it means you have not accumulated enough of this particular experience. No problem, continue to accumulate it. Until you start to see that you want to experience discomfort, you will not want to experience anything else. You realize your subconscious desires here. Everything is dual in this relative world. In order to maintain something, you need to be afraid of it. You are dealing with a frozen moment that you have to re-live again and again.