It did not start with you

Are there resentments you still hold against your parents? Are there accusations? If so, you may already have experienced that the very complaints you hold against your parents are the same complaints that you experience with your partner or with a close friend. Often, our discontent toward our parents gets projected onto our partner or shows up in our close friendships. What is unresolved with our parents does not automatically disappear. It serves as a template that forges our latter relationships.


If we had a difficult relationship with our parents, our core descriptors will expose the resentments we are still harboring. When we are resentful, it erodes our inner peace. Those of us who feel that we did not receive enough from our parents, especially from our mothers, often feel that we don’t received enough from life.


When we’ve had a close relationship with our parents, our core descriptors reveal the warmth and compassion we feel toward them. When we feel positive toward our parents, we tend to feel positive about life, ant trust good things will continue to come our way.


When we pit one parent against the other, we go against the source of our own existence, and unconsciously create a rift inside ourselves. We forget that half of us comes from our mother and half from our father. Our resentment serves only to fuel our self-loathing and inner unrest. It is a prison from which the only escape is self-awareness.


Many of us have become fixated on something we believe our parents done to us that has spoiled our lives. We have allowed these memories, whether accurate or distorted, to override the good things that our parents gave to us. Parents, in the course of being parents, inadvertently cause their children pain. It is inevitable. The problem is not what our parents have done to us; the problem is how we are still holding on to it. Generally, when our parents caused us harm, it was unintentional. All of us feel that there are things we did not get from our parents. But being at peace with our parents means that we are at peace with what we did  receive as well as what we did not receive. When we hold what was given in this light, we can gain strength from our parents, who, even if they could not always show it, wanted only the best for us.




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