Without the observer there are only two states: irritation and self-pity.
When you get into a state, do not think it through. Do not analyze it.
A thought appeared. Do not prolongate the thought. Observe it. It would change.
Then and only then you would see the power of the observer. It leads to zero.
This is a great opportunity which requires constant, daily efforts. Nobody can do it for you. The Ego will resist.
When you accept this responsibility and say “I am responsible!” every game of the Ego (irritation, self-pity, grudge, etc.) becomes pointless. You will realize that all these games are illusory.
At the present moment all those games are very real to you. Moreover, they are pleasant. There is kaif* there…
And the see-saw continues: you get irritated, blame someone, and then flip into the other side, starting to feel self-pity.
– I caught myself thinking “I feel pity toward Pint. He does not have anyone to laugh with. No one understands him.”
– Look, you idiot, I am laughing with you, but you want to drop it all down to the level of pity and irritation again.
Negative experiences are extremely valuable. They are your bank accounts. Painful experience is fixed on a certain symbol: irritation vs. horror. The difference is just in the scale, the degree of intensity.
For every negative symbol, there is a bank account you do not even know exist. Most people (the positivists) not only do not know about the account, but deny it.
Every single negative experience is your pointer to the bank account.
Pain and suffering lead to self-awareness.
Someone is coughing.
– What kind of a thought produced this cough?
– I don’t know.
– Cough and observe.
What does it mean to track down the emotion?
– I feel… I sense… I sense irritation.
– Look here. Irritation is connected with the mental, emotional, and physical. It is three in one. But you fixate your attention on one sphere only. What irritates you?
– My cough irritates me. I physically sense dyspnea. I feel something obstructing my throat.
– You are saying that you react to a sensation (cough, irritated and dry throat). You are aware of it because it is very intense. But what kind of thoughts and states accompany this cough? Do you see it? Can you verbalize it? Can you say it?
– Yes. I get into a state where my cough irritates everyone around.
– This is the effect of the cough. The cough has its own causes. What kind of thoughts and feelings brought on this cough? This cough is the effect, the consequence. This cough is connected to the thoughts and the states, but you register only the cough, because it creates a loud noise. You do not see the whole mechanism. The cough, in your particular case, comes from the fear of talking about something—if I say something now, it can be inappropriate. It means you are hiding some kind of thought behind this cough. You hide the thought, which in turn leads to a state of fear, and that produces the cough. Instead of verbalizing the thought you bring forward the cough.
– What kind of a thought?
– It can be a thought that you consider to be insulting to people present here. Cough and try to get aware of this thought. You cannot track this thought down by itself. You can only trace it through the effects, through the consequences, through the cough. Instead of a thought, you give us cough. You give us bouts of cough. Talk … talk … say it … throw everything you have out. Start to cough … Thought would come and be there on the very surface. Cough on everyone around you and spit this thought out.
She starts to cough …
– I hate you all … coughing … I am bored and …cough….hate…cough….all disgusting….cough…
* Kaif or Kif – from Arabic kayf pleasure. Any drug or agent that when smoked is capable of producing a euphoric condition. The euphoric condition produced by smoking marijuana.