We were always taught to avoid pain and negative thoughts. If we continue to do so, we will not understand ourselves holistically as pain caries very important information. Pain appears because we do not use the information it carries properly. One has to enter pain.
Any pain, physical, emotional, or mental, is always a result of resistance to change. Life consists of constant changes. But the ego does not want these changes. It creates the illusion of constancy. Ego is an illusion of your constancy, and the constancy of everything that surrounds you. Life, on the other hand, changes constantly.
Pain and suffering appear as a result of our resistance to changes, i.e. to life. One has to get in touch with these inner states, enter them, meet the negative, horrific thoughts and feelings, and allow them to surface. When you resist them, you experience pain.
Pain is the indicator of your not understanding of yourself
— We are constantly changing beings, but our fixation on our constancy and invariability forces us to throw away everything that is not in agreement with this view. When we allow ourselves to see changes, we transform.
Take a look at the reaction of the shadow parts of the personality to the situations when they are being brought up to light. I am showing you the mechanism that creates hell inside a human being. Do you see how people protect their own hell? They don’t run toward the doors of their prison. No, they close them and bolt them up.
That is the way the mechanism of the conditioned mind or the matrix of survival works, and it is related to everyone. The mind of the majority of people is stuffed with similar mechanisms, and their fate and life is determined by the game of personal dualities they are not aware of. That leads to suffering.
When a dentist pulls your tooth out, you are in pain. But you start to feel good after the extraction. We are dealing with a similar situation here. Do you want to continue to experience suffering or do you choose to get rid of it? If you continue to run and hide, the pain would continue as usual. Enter this pain, walk through it, become aware of it, and transform it.
Resistance leads to suffering. One can talk with a man endlessly about his resistance, but he will not understand anything until he develops a strong intention to get rid of it. As you probably have seen already, it is not easy to acknowledge the presence of suffering in you. But this is a first step. The next step is to start to become aware of it.
We return to our past in order to heal it. We return to the past with our consciousness. We see a painful situation in a new light, and we release the energy constricted there.
Our body is energy. It happens that parts of this energy got stuck in a trap, and that causes pain. You have to heal yourself. The only way to do it is to enter a painful zone of your body. It can be your chronic illness, a weak spots you keep banging into the furniture with, etc.
Any given problem is concentrated in a certain part of your body. Are you ready to enter this part with your attention? Are you ready to meet and to accept everything you see there? Are you ready to relate to what you find there with love? If you are ready, the past situation will open itself up, and you will see it in a different light. That new way of seeing will release the energy that got stuck there.
The secret of healing is simple. You have to allow yourself to experience what was not allowed to be experienced as it was considered to be intolerable and horrible. You have to understand that everything that was experienced by you was required in order for you to receive and accumulate a certain experience. In such a way, you make peace with yourself and start to re-live and re-experience all the aspects of the experience stored by you, integrating it into a whole.
—I am listening now and I understand that I don’t allow myself to look deep inside.
— Yes, because to look deep inside yourself is to look into your pain. The sleeping one says: «I am not afraid. I am not in pain. Everything is normal. Everything is Okay ». The most important thing is for everything to be normal. Someone hits you, and you say: «It’s Okay. It’s normal ». You shake it off and go about your business. Someone insults you, and you say: «You are stupid yourself ». And it’s Okay. It’s normal. If it is really bad, you can get a drink. Is it Okay? It’s Okay! And everything is in order not to see the pain inside. There are landmines of pain there.
And what do I offer? I offer you to open these mines of pain up and to start working with it. But you say you don’t have it. You have questions about God. Is there God out there? There is only one thing real here—pain and suffering. But one does not want to touch this real stuff. Then one deals with illusions, and illusions lead to new pain.
Only the external events are considered to be real here—events one has to turn away from or to attack. Those that cannot handle their pain get admitted to psychiatric wards. They are called abnormal. Normal are those that can cope with it. They say: «We are Okay. Everything is normal ».
But if the doors were to open up, inmates with terrified faces would run out screaming, emaciated and covered with bruises. A lot was stored during a man’s lifetime, and these pieces of luggage are sitting inside him as prisoners in jail. If he is to open the door, they would run out. How many of these prisoners are in you? Who knows? So, it’s better not to open these doors. The jail is underground, but on the surface everything is Okay: one is working, driving a car, having dinner every day, and moves up a carrier ladder.
—The first thing that surfaces is hatred to my parents.
—Yes, because it is thanks to them that I am here. Do you know what they passed on to you? They have passed on to you their unresolved problems, pain, and conflicts. But you are told they have to be loved. And how is one to love them if that is what they passed on? They could not have solved them on their own, saying to you: «You don’t understand us ». But now you understand them. They were punishing you. They hit and cursed you. Why? They did it because they were hurting themselves, and they did not know what to do.
They don’t understand what’s going on, but they don’t want to acknowledge it. And then they explain it somehow, and punish, sometimes physically their children. A child thinks: «Is that’s how it should be? » But when grows, he treats his children the same way. And his kids will do repeat the cycle, doing the same thing to their kids.
—But you are talking about gratitude to one’s parents.
—Everything happens step by step. In order for me to get to gratitude, I had to excavate a lot of suffering and a lot of pain. You are being told: «Love this, and love that ». I know this way in details. Everything starts with pain.
—I replayed the situations in which I really felt bad. I used to ask myself: «Where is this pain coming from? » I was getting to my childhood and I saw my tantrums there. I saw how I hated my mom. I don’t want to pass it to my children.
—How can you not pass on something that you happen to be? What do your kids see? Kids see what you are. What can you give except what you happen to be?
But don’t talk about kids now. Talk about yourself. Who was worrying about you when you were being downloaded with the stuff you were downloaded with?
—No one was worrying about me.
—So, you need to worry about yourself for now. And everything starts not with the “plus,” but with the investigation of the “minus.” Everything starts with hate. People always want to start with the “plus.” But start with waking up today feeling that you hate your husband, your father, the world in general, and God in particular. Forget that you should appear normal. Forget that according to conventional morality you should love everyone, give presents to everyone, evolve and develop.
Life is a review of your personal program. Here is your personal program, and now you need to become aware of this program in order to re-tune it. You need to return to all these old situations. This is painful. This is suffering.
You cannot do it all at once. You have to do it step by step, every time returning to a certain part and changing it. You will meet pain, jealousy, hate, and irritation. That is the way. But this is the real way. I call it the extreme way of spiritual development.
I went through all of this myself, and now I love my parents. And those are not just words. This is my feeling. But in order to get here, I had to open many things up. You are in the beginning of the way, and it starts with pain and understanding of how to work with this pain. Why don’t people want to touch it? They don’t want to touch it, because they don’t know what to do with this pain afterwards.
What situations cause you to experience pain? It is precisely these old situations of your life that you try to escape, not wishing to relive them again. The pain that is connected to them is a result of certain, formed long time ago, perception of them. How do you perceive the facts of the situations that are painful for you?
Take a look at the angle of perception you have, and pain as a consequence of this angle of perception. Can you look at those facts differently? Is there a different way of perceiving these facts? It is precisely in this change of the angle of perception where the key to the door that leads out of pain is buried.