TGL #25. Why is your life the way it is?

Have you ever asked yourself a question of who and how assigned the scenario of your life and whether you can change it to your liking? It is formed by two opposite models of survival of your parents, even if one of them disappeared from your life early on or both of them have left you.

Your mother and father are the source of your personal program that determines your life. All the key moments of your life scenario are fixed by this program and realized in your life. All the lessons and assignments are given to you through the personal program, and you will go through them irrespective of whether you like it or not. That’s the plan of your Soul. Therefore, the personality has no freedom of choice in respect to how to live one’s life, even though it thinks it is free to decide. You will be able to receive this freedom of choice only when you become fully aware of your program, or, in other words, when you understand yourself holistically as the personality.

A human being has an opportunity to go through these lessons faster and to exit to the next version of himself. This opportunity can be realized through the holistic awareness of two opposite sides of your personal program: visible and hidden or conscious and subconscious. These two sides of your program are formed by your parents, and possibly by some other people that had significant influence on your personality. All their conflicts and problems were transferred to you in order for you to solve them. This is the karma of your kin.

Why is your life the way it is?

We come to this reality in order to acquire a certain experience. We acquire this experience in the physical reality. This scenic playground with all its attributes, such us houses, roads, cars, etc. are physical. We happen to be present here in a physical body. We play in different contexts, but we play in the physical reality. Our show is a show staged on the playground of physical reality.    

But what is the program and what is the scenario of this show? It is determined by the personal program that is being transferred by our parents. This is obvious to me, but it does not mean that you know this. During our group work you start to see that everything that happens to you in life represent an unfoldment of the scenario of the personal program that was inculcated into your structure.

This show and its scenario presuppose a presence of many actors. When this scenario was downloaded into you, you were a child, and that was the role you played in this show. There was a father, a mother, and you—a child. Your perception of this show was connected with the role of a child. This role gave birth to certain relationships between you, your mother and your father. That is precisely what we are investigating—certain painful and contradictory for you situations. These contradictions were transferred to you by your father and mother. They demonstrated their conflicts to you which you participated in and experienced in a certain way. But, what does it mean to understand the whole program, the whole scenario? It means to understand every single actor of your show. There are at least three actors in your show: father, mother, and you—a child. There might also be brothers, sisters, grandmothers, but I am talking only about the key figures now.

You have seen this show through the eyes of a child, but becoming aware of the program or the scenario requires you to enter and to understand it from the point of view of every one of these three actors. You received this experience as a child while being in the child’s shoes, but how well do you understand where two other actors, your father and your mother, were coming from?

Why is the role of a father or a mother so important? When a boy becomes a man, and later on creates a family where a child is born, he becomes a father. And this is an opportunity to understand one’s scenario and one’s program from a different point of view, from a point of view of another role of the same scenario. The scenario remains the same, but the point of view is changed, as you turn into a father or a mother. Later, you start to transfer this scenario to your children. This is your experience of being a father or a mother, and this experience is very important in order to fully understand this entire scenario.

So, your personal program is a certain scenario with at least three roles. In reality, there are more of them. The major roles are the roles of the father, the mother, and the child—you. In order for you to understand the entire scenario, which is a prerequisite to become holistically aware of your program, you need to feel and to experience yourself in the skin of every actor of your show, at least in the skin of these three major actors.

You get born into a role of a child and this is given to you, but it is not easy to get into a role of a father or a mother. Your own performing of the roles of a father or a mother and your interaction with your kids will be of big help here. We can call it continuity, succession, or kin karma, but in reality, those are the opportunities that allow you to see your program holistically.

Investigating the parental programs, we can see that each one of them plays his or her part. Mother, for example, says: «Kids first. Kids are always first». And that pushes the father away. At the same time, father does something his own way, pushing mom away. A child does not understand these external fights between mom and dad in details.

You cannot say much about it now. You vaguely remember that parents fought, but you are not sure why they did. But those fights occur inside you now, and every one of them has a one-sided position. This is one side of a duality. Another side is represented by another parent. All these sides are in conflict. To understand what these conflicts are based on and how strong they are will require you to investigate your own, unique program. I described the general mechanism. One has to bring one’s mother and father to truce in the dualities that were the most conflicting for them, as they, your mother and father, as well as their conflicts are inside of you now. Your children represent your inner child in this show.

— My mother was constantly humiliating my dad’s masculine side, saying: «You don’t know how to do anything. You are good for nothing». He retaliated by saying that everything that was good in us, kids was from him and everything bad was from mom, from her upbringing.  

— That’s how it is usually said. Father screams: «How do you bring up my child? ». Mother screams: « How do you bring up my child? ». A child stays with dad overnight, mom screams: «What an idiot! » Just one night with a dad and kid is already an idiot.

— Mom actually felt guilty for the incorrect upbringing. I feel this conflict now. She felt guilty and as a result she could not blame him and say: «How do you bring them up? » She could not say it, and then she would say: «I am not a good mother, and you are not a man! » 

— Exactly. That happens in many families. It’s Okay, I am not a good mom, but you are not a man either. That’s how many people live. It is laughable, but it clearly shows the relationship of the internal sides of a duality. You are a piece of shit. No, you are a piece of shit. And two of those parts have to coexist in one body. Externally, people can separate and divorce, but nobody can separate inside, as there is only one room.

— In my case, they did not divorce. They continue to live like this.   

— Yes, some will continue to live together.

— Also, I traced this maternal contempt to such men. It’s interesting that practically all men in our School are like my dad. I experienced my contempt for them. I just realized that this is inside me–this is my mother in me!  

— You feel it on mom’s side. Now, get on the dad’s side. It is here that you need to develop the flexibility of transferring between the opposite sides. Looking from mom’s side: «What kind of men are they? They are shit». And right away jump into the dad’s shoes: «What kind of women? Shit». Then you think: «Everything is shit! ». You need take a look from mom’s side and say: «Such great men! », and then from dad’s side, «entering» a man, you say: «Such great women! » Then everything is going to be great! But that’s not how it was programmed.

The lessons that were assigned to you by your parents are difficult, but they did everything they could for you to receive the conditions that would help you to solve the lessons chosen by your Soul, even though neither one of you understands that.

You can love or hate your parents now, but everything they have transmitted to you is very important and necessary for you. If you are ready to holistically open your personality and to move from the mode of survival to the mode of living, you need to understand your personality holistically as the conditions of the assignment of a given incarnation. In order to do that, you need to understand and accept your Father and your Mother as yourself. In other words, you need to become aware of the program of survival of your personality and to thank your parents for providing you with it. It is only through such gratitude that you will be able to acquire a real freedom of choice in your life.


Have you ever asked a question of why your Soul chose your parents? What conflicts of your parents were transferred to you? What is your relationship with your father and your mother? I don’t mean to ask you whether your relationship with them is good or bad, but how you understand their role in your life. They introduced the main qualities into your personality. You may not see it or you may deny it, but this is how it is.


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