TGL #15. Everyone wants to experience positive states, but experiences negative states

Every human being that happens to be in a sleep of consciousness desires to escape negative states, and to receive as many positive states as possible. Most likely you think that you need to get rid of negative states too. But what happens when you do so?

The main error of «seekers of positive states» is that they count on getting rid of the negative states, while keeping the positive. However, reinforcing the positive, you also have more negative as a result; and getting rid of the negative, you also lose the positive.

In reality, the positive and the negative are two sides of one coin. Strengthening the positive side of this coin, you automatically reinforce the negative side. Trying to get rid of the negative, you automatically get rid of the positive. Without the negative, there is no positive. That’s what we are going to discuss today.

Everyone wants to experience positive states, but experiences negative states

— I have a strong preconceived notion of how my husband should behave. If his behavior corresponds to my expectations, he is accepted. When he does something that does not correspond to my expectations—he is not accepted.  

— When he is the way you want, he is positive for you. When he is not the way you want, he is negative for you. Both sides are present in you. I assert that you want both the positive and the negative. Therefore, when your husband spends all day on a sofa watching TV, this is exactly what you want, even though you don’t see it that way.

You need to experience hate and love equally. What is the interrelationship of the opposites? What is the interrelationship of positive and negative, good and bad, love and hate? They transform one into another. Can one get rid of something and not lose the opposite?

The «sleeping one» looks for a «golden middle», but in reality is afraid of the exacerbation of the inner conflicts. Some laugh a little bit and cry a bit, while other cry a lot and laugh a lot. They may have different extremes, but the interrelationship of positive and negative is the same in everyone.

If you don’t understand the interrelationship of the opposites, you will not be able to do anything with them. If you do understand it, you should start seeing what happens to you in accordance to how you understand it.

— In relationship to the situation that appeared at home, I thought it would make sense to thoroughly feel my irritation and then to exit to some other state. But I have to see it first.   
— Do you accept irritation in yourself?

— I don’t like myself when I am irritated.  

— Okay. You don’t like yourself irritated; therefore you don’t accept this side of yourself. Who experiences irritation?

— A woman experiences irritation. She is never satisfied.

— Who is that woman?

— That’s me.  

— So, it’s you. So, you are experiencing irritation, not someone else.

— Yes. It is me who is constantly doing something around the kitchen and cleaning the house. This woman experiences irritation.   

— Who is experiencing pleasure?

— It is a different lady.    

— What lady? There was a woman there. Where did lady come from? The negative states are experienced by a woman with mops and brooms, but pleasure is being experienced by a high society lady. Is this the same woman or not? Are you and the other one—you?

— I can be both of them.  

— Okay. So, who are you?

— I am the one who sees both the irritated woman and the calm lady.  

— Okay. You are the one who sees both of them. Does what she see have any relationship to you?

— Yes.

— So, you are the irritated woman, a calm lady, and the one who sees both of them. These are your parts. So, a woman who experiences negative states, and a lady that experiences positive states are your parts. It means that one is positive, and the second is negative.

— I feel more comfortable in a state of comfort and pleasure.    

— Who is this «i»? We already have three of you. It looks like the third one blames the irritated woman. If the third one accuses one and approves of another, it’s not the observer. The observer does not accuse. So, let’s figure these two out. Calm lady likes comfort and quiet. What about the second woman, the irritated woman? What does she like?
— She likes quiet and she yearns for it.  

— Does the irritated woman want to have tranquility?

— Yes. She wants to have everything in order.  

— What does the irritated woman do?

— She tries to finish all household chores.  

— And while doing it, what kind of state is she in? What does she create? What kind of state she creates around her? Irritation. She is the irritated woman. That means that it agrees with her. If she creates irritation, it satisfies her.

She is irritation. If you tell me that the irritated one wants to transform everything into calm and quiet, I will tell you: «No. Why did not she transform her state of irritation into calm and quiet yet? »

— There are many things to be done. She has to change the world around her according to her notions of how it should look. 

— Only then this calm and quiet will appear? You are never going to bring the world into accord with what appears to you, and therefore, you will always be in a state of irritation. Therefore, she needs irritation.

And your quiet lady, why is she quiet?

— Because she does not try to bring the world to fit her expectations. 

— That’s why she is quiet and calm. These are two totally different approaches and they create two completely different states.

So, the irritated woman needs irritation. The calm lady needs calmness. And each one of them creates precisely that.

Both the calm lady and the irritated woman are you. Therefore, you need both irritation and tranquility. Otherwise, how would you know what tranquility is? Tranquility is absence of irritation. How would you know what irritation is? Irritation is absence of tranquility.

You have two sides for comparison. The absence of these sides would allow you to feel neither irritation nor tranquility. Both are you. But currently you create these states mechanically, without any understanding of how you create them.

By accusing and blaming yourself, you cause the state of irritation. That is your method of bringing up this emotional state. That is what we are discussing now. The irritated woman needs irritation. In order to have irritation, she has to be dissatisfied with something. This woman has what she is not satisfied with. That’s why she is irritated.
Fighting with negative states, you reinforce them. And the negative states will follow you until you do not agree with them and do not accept them in yourself. The more positive you will see in the negative, and the more negative you will see in the positive, the more you will move toward holistic awareness of yourself.


Review examples of your life when wishing to get something positive, you received negative. Try to see the connection between the enforcement of positive and synchronic enforcement of the negative.

Take a look at what happens to the positive when you want to decrease the influence of the negative on your emotional state. Can you see that when you start to be afraid of pain, for example in your relationship with relatives, you also deprive yourself of pleasant interactions with them?

Try to see positive in what you consider to be negative. Try to see negative sides in what you consider to be positive. Try to understand why do you need negative, and why do you need positive.


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