The presence of a notion of bad that everyone denies in himself, and the presence of a notion of good that everyone strives for, does not allow us to see ourselves holistically.
How do you find out that something is good? You can only find something to be good in comparison with something that is called bad. Without bad, there is not going to be any good. Good and bad are unified and inseparable from each other as two sides of one coin.
Try to cut down a river. It’s impossible. But that is what a human being does all the time insisting that one is good, and another is bad. Investigation of the duality cannot be carried out only on one, so-called «good» side of your personal polarity. The other, so-called «bad» side, has to be present.
If you are used to being bad, you have to try what being good is. And if you get used to being good, you need to try to be bad. Then you will have a chance to know yourself as a whole.
«Good girl—Bad girl »
— My father was a workaholic. He devoted his whole life to work. My mother drunk and blamed him for her drinking as he did not pay her enough attention.
— She took another extreme. In any system—and family is a system—if someone takes one extreme, another one simply have to take the opposite extreme. Otherwise, the system would simply fall apart. And the more you will tell him about your side, the more he will insist on his side.
The only way to balance a situation is to allow yourself to do what another human being allows himself to do. If one is disorganized, the other will be responsible. So, the disorganized has to become responsible, and the responsible one to become disorganized.
Someone has to make the first step. You need to become aware of it. Otherwise, you will not be able to correct the system. Can you turn into a disorganized girl and to allow yourself everything?
— I found a way. I was going to a bar with my girlfriend. We used to spend time there relaxing, smoking, and chatting about everything. My husband is a positive type. So, it appears that I reproduce the system of my family: my husband is positive and I am negative.
— Those are technical terms. You are constantly fighting for the title of a «good girl», and then a «good woman». Can you be a bad woman?
— That’s very difficult.
— There is nothing simpler. I am showing you that you need to learn the opposite side. You got stuck in a «good girl». And where does it lead you? The «good girl» will be with a «bad boy». It cannot be any other way. Otherwise, the system will break down.
If a «good girl» becomes bad, a «bad boy» will start to be good. We have to learn to balance the opposite sides of personal dualities.
This reality is built in such a way that you can walk only in the middle of the paradox or duality. This world is based on dualities. There is no escape from it. For as long as you are here, you are in dualities, and you constantly attract one of the poles of this duality.
It was downloaded into you that you have to be a good girl. You are moving closer and closer to this pole, and want to become a totally «good girl». But potentially each one of us has two sides of any duality, in particular this one.
The more you activate your «good girl», the more you potentially become a «bad girl». It will show up in your thoughts, dreams, unconscious behavior, etc. You are constantly fighting it, showing that you are good, constantly being stressed—voltage accumulates.
If you can equally accept what is called a «good girl» and a «bad girl», you will get in the middle, and this duality will not influence you any longer.
Otherwise, you will distribute accusations, become intolerant and aggressive in this respect. Take prostitution as an example. If you say that it is horrible and scary, your daughter may wind up in a whorehouse. You may force your child to fill this hole.
These are the laws, and no one can bypass them. No one here wants to see them, but no one will be able to bypass them. These are the mechanisms that govern us here on Earth. One can only exit these mechanisms by walking the middle path, i.e. by getting in the middle of duality. But in order to do that, you need to experience and to accept both sides of yourself.
— To live it through?
— Yes. It does not mean you should turn into a prostitute for the rest of your life. But you may if you will not become aware of it. I don’t know how it can happen. I don’t want to get into a business of prognosis. It is possible that the training situation will be sufficient to resolve this, i.e. by saying: «Yes, I have it in me, and I fully accept it». Not to repeat it as an affirmation, but to be it.
In such case, your accusations of this particular behavior in other people will disappear. Who and why do we accuse all the time? We accuse those that manifest our opposite sides, the sides that we constantly suppress in ourselves. Where do the accusations and the feeling of guilt come from? They come from non-acceptance, only from non-acceptance. Non-acceptance comes because you do not want to live through a certain experience. You deny it.
— We are ruled by the moral norms.
— Of course. Everything here is constructed in a way for you not to become aware. If you want to follow the common norms, you will get neither awareness nor enlightenment. You have to make a choice.
It does not mean that you have to «get to the bottom» and break everything and everyone. This is dumb. I am talking about something else. Do what you think is necessary based on the understanding we have here.
If you are going for an experiment, for example of a prostitute, you understand why you do it. A human being from a street does not understand why he does something. He is being thrown from one side to another. We, on the other hand, understand which experience we pursue and why we pursue it.
Who and what for do you constantly accuse? The one you accuse manifests the opposite part that you suppress in yourself, not allowing yourself to express it. What experience don’t you want to live through, condemning others for it?
Using the understanding that you suppress a part of yourself, express what you are accusing the other of. Understand the benefits of such a manifestation. See the positive side of what you consider to be bad. This will be your first step toward holistic understanding of yourself.