Today our self-investigation is going to address a familiar to everyone feeling—irritation. Someone irritates us, and we irritate some people. Someone is being irritated by excessive talkativeness of people. Someone else is going crazy because of excessive boasting of a friend. Yet another stays upset for a whole day because some brute stepped on his foot.
Irritation is an unpleasant feeling one wants to get rid of. But what does irritation point to? Irritation points to a conflict between your inner parts. Therefore, you need to investigate it, i.e. you need to start seeing which part of yours brings an accusation against another part.
Irritation is an indicator of a conflict. It shows that the judgment, about what a certain part of you did, was brought up and announced by the part that is opposite to it. Therefore, this judgment now turns into an accusation. If something irritates you in someone, this feeling tells you that what irritates you is not in him, but in you; you just see it in him, in the outside actor. But what exactly irritates you?
In reality, irritation is a pointer. It points to something that you have to experience and to see in yourself. When you get to experience and to see it in yourself, you will not need a pointer anymore—irritation will disappear.
Irritation. What does it point to?
— Please, tell us what irritates you in yourself?
— My indecisiveness irritates me.
— What does the indecisiveness want? Indecisiveness is an absence of a decision.
— Yes, it is hard for me to make a decision to do something or to say something
— Look: I make a choice to decide something or I make a choice not to decide something. If I make a choice not to decide something, then what is the irritation connected to?
— Then there is no irritation.
— Think again. Why does the irritation start if I make a choice to decide something?
— Two girlfriends pop up: one says – do not decide, another says – decide. And the game starts: go – don’t go, do – don’t do. That’s why the irritation starts. To do or not to do? As soon as you are ready to do it, another part pops up – don’t do it. Do it this way – no, don’t do it this way. And everything gets mixed up.
— So, irritation is connected to the interaction of those two opposite tendencies. If you consciously see them separately, there is no reason to get irritated. But irritation appears as a result of their superposition onto each other.
— One side does something, while the second does not like it and starts to resist.
— So, in order to get rid of irritation you need to take a position of one part.
— It means, when one has made a choice, one has to do it.
— Yes, but in order to do so, I have to accept these parts as equal. If I don’t accept the opposite parts as equal, I would always be in irritation and hatred.
— I have a question. It is not all the time that one side wants to do something and another side judges. Sometimes, we like what we do. Does it mean that in such case one part both creates and appraises?
— And in other cases one side creates, and another side appraises?
— Which part does the appraisal? What does it depend on?
— It depends on one part unacceptance of another part and your identification with one of these parts.
— But in some cases, we like what we do.
— In every personality, one part always exist in a state of unacceptance of its opposite part. That is connected to your identification with one of those parts. So, I ask you: which particular opposite parts of you do not accept each other, and to what degree?
— It seems to me, I get irritated when I don’t implement my own decisions, when I decide to do something and don’t do it.
— Not to do something is also a decision.
— No. One part decides to do something, but the second part decides not to do it. The one that wins is the one that made the decision to do it.
— It’s not “win,” but “judges.” Look, one part decided: «I am going to go and watch a movie». Then another part gets on the scene and prevents you from going to the movie theater. And the first part accuses her: «Why so? Why did not I go to the movie theater? »
— And this creates dissatisfaction with yourself.
— One part is dissatisfied by its opposite part, i.e. accusation and blame happens to be at the core of all these complicated situations that appear in our personalities.
— Is it possible to get to love irritation if you are in «love your enemy» state? Is it possible?
— One can simply observe it.
— But can one love it? Can one feel it not as an enemy, but as a friend?
— Can you welcome the red light indicator that appears on your dashboard when the fuel level gets low in the tank of your car?
— What does the irritation tell us in a given case?
— It tells us that a conflict appeared between your parts: between the doing part and not doing part. The doing part is irritated by the non-doing part. The irritation is being denied, and then there is no understanding. There is no awareness of the non-doing part.
Irritation is an indicator of a conflict. It shows that the appraisal of what you just did is made by the part that is opposite to it. Therefore, such an appraisal turns into accusation and blame. That’s what it is.
Is the indicator that shows that fuel level in a car is low bad?
— One has to be grateful to see it.
— So, irritation is an indicator of the accusation of one part of you by another, opposite to it part. It is simply an indicator. But a human being does not see it. One simply gets irritated. That’s it. It is similar to being irritated by a red fuel light that starts to flash while you drive a car. It flashes and flashes. Then it turns on full time. Should I break this damn light? If you break it, the car will stop.
— One can break a car.
— So, what does the irritation points to? It points to a conflict. Therefore, you have to look into it and investigate it, i.e. you have to start seeing which part of you in relationship to which opposite part of you brings up the accusation. This is the internal court. The irritation that appears is an indicator of the fact that a trial is going on in your inner world. You judge yourself. One has to see who is judging whom.
— The part that wanted to do is judging the part that decided not to do in my case.
— Can you take a look at both of these parts without accusation?
— These two parts happen to represent two totally opposite approaches to the situation. We start to investigate what one part says and what another part says because in both of them there is something that is right, even though they are opposite. But if I don’t want to figure this out, a courtroom trial starts.
But, if I start to investigate, then instead of the trial I will get to the choice. When I know the arguments of both sides, I can make a choice. Then, it is not a trial; it is a choice. And if I made this choice, irritation disappears.
What is a choice? Every one of the dual parts tries to bend you to a favorable to it decision. A certain part is not manifested or it is manifested less than the opposite part. You need to fully manifest this part, and that will give you an opportunity to see a given situation from two opposite, but equal sides.
Which situations irritate you? Applying the offered technology determine which two of your opposite parts got into a conflict, and what exactly does one of them accuse another of.
Investigate and find out where the truth of one part lies, and where the truth of the opposite part lies. In order to do so, manifest yourself from the side that you know less and don’t understand well in yourself.